By Suzanne Arms
Special to Vibrant Life
Some folks spend much of their “time” reflecting on the past.
Some focus their attention on the present.
And others, like me, tend to spend lots of time thinking about, envisioning, and planning for the future.
But I’ve recently begun a new personal practice: changing my thinking about—and my relationship to—time.
Rethinking my beliefs about time
I’m not sure why but, for some reason, I’ve been called to rethink and reframe my beliefs about and attitude towards time.
It likely has a lot to do with my age.
At 82, I definitely have more years behind me than ahead of me.
And, because I can get morose and because I have bipolar disorder, it’s all too easy for me to fall into depression. I work hard, and have for years, to not allow my thoughts to turn to depression.
But now I’m thinking about time itself.
Time expands and contracts
Because, after all, time expands or contracts according to whether we’re experiencing something pleasurable or painful.
Right?
We can all remember a time when we were very young and going on a trip, feeling bored, and thinking the drive was interminable.
“Are we there yet?” I would pester my parents. “Are we there yet?” “Are we there yet?”
No matter how hard I tried, I could not make time go any faster.
And then there’s the opposite: I’m sure you can remember a time when you were lolling around, perhaps in bed, perhaps at the beach, perhaps puttering around your house tending to your plants, and feeling the day was stretching out in a slow but blissful way.
And, of course, there are those delicious times when you completely lose track of time. When what seemed like just a brief moment, gone too soon, had actually been hours.
Heading to the end of the line
At my age, time often feels as if I’m on a fast-moving training heading to the end of the line. And that is not a comfortable or comforting feeling.
Being what some call “old” has led me to spend a fair bit of time thinking about death.
In particular, I find my thoughts turning to the death of those I love, like my husband, and to my own death.
So, about a week ago I decided I was going to intentionally not think about time having an end point or disappearing into a void.
Instead, I began to practice turning my attention to the present moment. This is a Buddhist concept: to live in the present and always have your attention on the here and now. As lovely as it sounds, it’s something I’ve just recently started to be able to do.
And it’s amazing the difference it’s made in my days and nights.
Life beyond my body dying?
I don’t know what will happen when my body dies.
I have a strong sense of there being life beyond this body dying. Reincarnation feels true to me, especially given the number of children, particularly in places like India, who vividly recall having had past lives.
At the same time, I’ve always had a lot of fear about death, and about dying.
But I’m practicing imagining the kind of soft dying process that I would like to have, and training my mind to see death itself as a shifting into another dimension.
And these imaginings have taken a lot of the fear away.
Being here, in the present moment
So instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, I’m now choosing to be here in the present.
I’m committed to experiencing this moment—this right now—with all of my senses.
I’ve just finished the monthly international call I host with six others from The Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children. I got off the call feeling emotionally connected to my colleagues, after each of us had a turn to share what was on our minds.
Now I sit on my bed with my computer. I’m feeling the coolness of the air around me, the weight of the computer on my lap, the ticking sound of the keyboard as I type this, and the voices of children nearby.
I pause to look out the window across from my bed. There’s a squirrel launching itself up the trunk of a large tree and several birds sitting quietly on its upper branches.
I enjoy the scent of the orange essential oil floating on the surface of the water that I put in my new diffuser, which is just a few feet from my bed, and which I turn on each morning.
My present moment is full. What more could I ask for?
In this new way of being, there is no yesterday or tomorrow.
“Now,” it turns out, is a nice place to be.
About the author:
Suzanne Arms, founder of the nonprofit Birthing the Future, is an internationally known birth activist and the author of the 1975 bestseller Immaculate Deception: A New Look at Women and Childbirth, and several other books. She has also produced a handful of educational films.
Related posts:
Don’t Feel Bad About Growing Older, It’s a Privilege Denied to Many
Walking Soccer For Seniors, So Much Stinkin’ Fun
The Italian Way of Growing Old
Greetings Suzanna! Congratulations on your success in living a long, productive life with innumerable contributions to your fellow humans. Although I was discouraged to read about your uncertainty about what happens to you (the real you, your consciousness, or soul) after your death, I was thrilled to read of your interest in the subject. Like you, I've been interested in this subject as well. And I stumbled upon a resource that has been incredibly helpful. That resource is NDE, or near death experience. Upon investigation I learned that there are thousands of people who have experienced death, and subsequently lived to tell us all about it. Apparently there are hundreds of people each year who have this experience. People from every continent. Many have written a book about it. NDE. Fortunately, many of the NDE books are written by physicians, MDs, who were so transformed by the experience that they cannot stop telling others about it. And since you mentioned India, yes, there are stories in these books about people from the Hindu religion living in India who share their experience as well. Since you may be close to taking that journey, may I suggest you go to Amazon books and type in NDE? You will find scores of well-written books on this very subject. IMO, after reading a few, you will have many of your questions answered. And since you seem to be an intelligent person, may I suggest starting with a book or two written by a doctor. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Have fun!!
Suzanne, bless her, changed the trajectory of my life: I read her book, "Immaculate Deception" and stayed home and had the first planned VBAC ( vaginal birth after cesarean) in the United States, coined the term and became a home birth midwife. She became a friend/colleague - stayed at my home in the Boston area, and has always been someone I cherished and respected. I have spent much of my life thinking about death - I recently look a course on line "Preparing for the End of Life" ( I am not at all "prepared") and another on "Conscious Dying." I went to a past life regression therapist ( now THAT was quite something!). I have been to 14 funerals in the past 18 months, having been with two very close friends as they took their last breaths. I am not sure what I believe, where - if anywhere- we go - and what these things called "life" and "death" are all about -- but - I love, once again, what Suzanne wrote -- thank you.