An octogenarian reflects on time. Homebirth advocate Suzanne Arms says she's learning to live in the present moment and how to imbue the day with mindfulness.
Greetings Suzanna! Congratulations on your success in living a long, productive life with innumerable contributions to your fellow humans. Although I was discouraged to read about your uncertainty about what happens to you (the real you, your consciousness, or soul) after your death, I was thrilled to read of your interest in the subject. Like you, I've been interested in this subject as well. And I stumbled upon a resource that has been incredibly helpful. That resource is NDE, or near death experience. Upon investigation I learned that there are thousands of people who have experienced death, and subsequently lived to tell us all about it. Apparently there are hundreds of people each year who have this experience. People from every continent. Many have written a book about it. NDE. Fortunately, many of the NDE books are written by physicians, MDs, who were so transformed by the experience that they cannot stop telling others about it. And since you mentioned India, yes, there are stories in these books about people from the Hindu religion living in India who share their experience as well. Since you may be close to taking that journey, may I suggest you go to Amazon books and type in NDE? You will find scores of well-written books on this very subject. IMO, after reading a few, you will have many of your questions answered. And since you seem to be an intelligent person, may I suggest starting with a book or two written by a doctor. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Have fun!!
Suzanne, bless her, changed the trajectory of my life: I read her book, "Immaculate Deception" and stayed home and had the first planned VBAC ( vaginal birth after cesarean) in the United States, coined the term and became a home birth midwife. She became a friend/colleague - stayed at my home in the Boston area, and has always been someone I cherished and respected. I have spent much of my life thinking about death - I recently look a course on line "Preparing for the End of Life" ( I am not at all "prepared") and another on "Conscious Dying." I went to a past life regression therapist ( now THAT was quite something!). I have been to 14 funerals in the past 18 months, having been with two very close friends as they took their last breaths. I am not sure what I believe, where - if anywhere- we go - and what these things called "life" and "death" are all about -- but - I love, once again, what Suzanne wrote -- thank you.
14 funerals in 18 months. That’s a lot, Nancy. I too read and loved Immaculate Deception. It was such a profound book for me. Finding me at the exact moment I needed it. Glad this article resonated with you. Xo
Love Suzanne and her book Immaculate Deception, which I read after my second hospital birth; it gave me the words to explain what happened and provided historical references that matter to me. Eventually, I became a scholar of the social history of medicine with a focus on childbirth and Midwifery.
I got to meet her in 1999 when my own midwife was put on trial to attempt to stop the grassroots effort to decriminalize midwifery in my state. Once again, her words both soothed me and gave me direction.
Dying...at age 76 I hardly think on it. Three weeks ago a boy somewhat related to my wife's family age 15 died in a tragic accident that didn't need to happen. It was an accident of negligence or unknowing at such a young age.
How we get through life without some tragic end might be called a miracle of sorts. My father is a few months past 99. There is no rhyme or reason as to who gets to live and who has to die. Maybe in the end it doesn't matter as there is something beyond life on earth.
We often call death a tragedy only because we don't know for sure what comes next. I know, the religious think they have all the answers. Maybe they do...but maybe not quite.
I am sorry about that 15 year old. That feels very sad to me in this moment still being on earth. A friend lost his older son in a car crash on his younger son’s birthday. Beyond devastating. All I know for sure is that I don’t know much. I used to be so sure about things. As I age—and battle stage four cancer—I am no longer sure about anything except my own lack of surety. But I even question that. 🙃
Thank you for featuring this wise soul and her beautiful attitude, a lesson at any stage or time in our precious lives. I love the photos or you, Suzanne! Be well as you live in perfect time…
I am 78 and have never thought about age. My mom always said “Don’t wish your life away” when I was a kid. Being 13 and wanting to be 16 etc. For some reason that always stuck with me. Basically living in the moment, as you say. I continued that thought with my kids and always enjoyed each age even if it was a tough one.
I didn’t think how important that was until several years ago. It seemed natural and comfortable.
Just the last 2-3 years I have suddenly become aware and it was a little upsetting that I was an old lady and questioned how many years I had left. It was a little bumpy for a while but was able to go back to living in the present fairly quickly because it had really been a life long habit.
I am noticing the unhappiness of friends who are in the other two categories. Sometimes my life might look a little boring to some but I am active to the extent I want to be and feel calm and peaceful.
It seems like you were born with a good attitude, Kathy. And that your mom helped reinforce it. These are Suzanne Arms’s insights. I hope to be as wise as she when I am in my 80s. But I guess the point of this piece is that we can all be wise right now. By being present and intentional. And noticing. ❤️❤️❤️
Greetings Suzanna! Congratulations on your success in living a long, productive life with innumerable contributions to your fellow humans. Although I was discouraged to read about your uncertainty about what happens to you (the real you, your consciousness, or soul) after your death, I was thrilled to read of your interest in the subject. Like you, I've been interested in this subject as well. And I stumbled upon a resource that has been incredibly helpful. That resource is NDE, or near death experience. Upon investigation I learned that there are thousands of people who have experienced death, and subsequently lived to tell us all about it. Apparently there are hundreds of people each year who have this experience. People from every continent. Many have written a book about it. NDE. Fortunately, many of the NDE books are written by physicians, MDs, who were so transformed by the experience that they cannot stop telling others about it. And since you mentioned India, yes, there are stories in these books about people from the Hindu religion living in India who share their experience as well. Since you may be close to taking that journey, may I suggest you go to Amazon books and type in NDE? You will find scores of well-written books on this very subject. IMO, after reading a few, you will have many of your questions answered. And since you seem to be an intelligent person, may I suggest starting with a book or two written by a doctor. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Have fun!!
Suzanne, bless her, changed the trajectory of my life: I read her book, "Immaculate Deception" and stayed home and had the first planned VBAC ( vaginal birth after cesarean) in the United States, coined the term and became a home birth midwife. She became a friend/colleague - stayed at my home in the Boston area, and has always been someone I cherished and respected. I have spent much of my life thinking about death - I recently look a course on line "Preparing for the End of Life" ( I am not at all "prepared") and another on "Conscious Dying." I went to a past life regression therapist ( now THAT was quite something!). I have been to 14 funerals in the past 18 months, having been with two very close friends as they took their last breaths. I am not sure what I believe, where - if anywhere- we go - and what these things called "life" and "death" are all about -- but - I love, once again, what Suzanne wrote -- thank you.
14 funerals in 18 months. That’s a lot, Nancy. I too read and loved Immaculate Deception. It was such a profound book for me. Finding me at the exact moment I needed it. Glad this article resonated with you. Xo
a lovely post! Thank you!
Thanks for taking the time to read it, Dan.
Love Suzanne and her book Immaculate Deception, which I read after my second hospital birth; it gave me the words to explain what happened and provided historical references that matter to me. Eventually, I became a scholar of the social history of medicine with a focus on childbirth and Midwifery.
I got to meet her in 1999 when my own midwife was put on trial to attempt to stop the grassroots effort to decriminalize midwifery in my state. Once again, her words both soothed me and gave me direction.
Dying...at age 76 I hardly think on it. Three weeks ago a boy somewhat related to my wife's family age 15 died in a tragic accident that didn't need to happen. It was an accident of negligence or unknowing at such a young age.
How we get through life without some tragic end might be called a miracle of sorts. My father is a few months past 99. There is no rhyme or reason as to who gets to live and who has to die. Maybe in the end it doesn't matter as there is something beyond life on earth.
We often call death a tragedy only because we don't know for sure what comes next. I know, the religious think they have all the answers. Maybe they do...but maybe not quite.
I am sorry about that 15 year old. That feels very sad to me in this moment still being on earth. A friend lost his older son in a car crash on his younger son’s birthday. Beyond devastating. All I know for sure is that I don’t know much. I used to be so sure about things. As I age—and battle stage four cancer—I am no longer sure about anything except my own lack of surety. But I even question that. 🙃
Thank you for featuring this wise soul and her beautiful attitude, a lesson at any stage or time in our precious lives. I love the photos or you, Suzanne! Be well as you live in perfect time…
I love this!
I am 78 and have never thought about age. My mom always said “Don’t wish your life away” when I was a kid. Being 13 and wanting to be 16 etc. For some reason that always stuck with me. Basically living in the moment, as you say. I continued that thought with my kids and always enjoyed each age even if it was a tough one.
I didn’t think how important that was until several years ago. It seemed natural and comfortable.
Just the last 2-3 years I have suddenly become aware and it was a little upsetting that I was an old lady and questioned how many years I had left. It was a little bumpy for a while but was able to go back to living in the present fairly quickly because it had really been a life long habit.
I am noticing the unhappiness of friends who are in the other two categories. Sometimes my life might look a little boring to some but I am active to the extent I want to be and feel calm and peaceful.
I feel very happy where I’m at.
Thank you for your lovely article.
Kathy
It seems like you were born with a good attitude, Kathy. And that your mom helped reinforce it. These are Suzanne Arms’s insights. I hope to be as wise as she when I am in my 80s. But I guess the point of this piece is that we can all be wise right now. By being present and intentional. And noticing. ❤️❤️❤️
From a reader: Good Day Vibrant Life substack,
> And others, like me, tend to spend lots of time thinking about,
envisioning, and planning for the
future.
I certainly am one of those. It comes with the territory so to
speak if you have a large garden and care for livestock (we have 4
goats). For me it is a conversation with nature. Many of the old timers
could tell what the next year would bring by the way the trees shed
their leaves in the fell. How spring evolved into summer. How the
animals behaved. It is harder now. So much EMR (Electro Magnetic
Radiation) from cell towers, radio transmissions etc. The natural
information that was carried in the electromagnetic field of the Earth
is a bit foggy now. So the shadow caste by the present into the future
isn't as clear.
Still it is a conversation that reveals the miracle of life as
the past morphs into the present, into the future.
> At my age, time often feels as if I’m on a fast-moving train
heading to the end of the line.
And that is not a comfortable or comforting feeling.
> I have a strong sense of there being life beyond this body dying.
Isn't death another transformation.
> At the same time, I’ve always had a lot of fear about death,
and about dying.
The fear of falling is one way to viscerally feel the fear of
death. Because we can control in some cases whether we fall or not, we
can tease apart the feeling of fear. We can see that our body has it's
own mind, it's principal task is to preserve itself. Avoid harm if
possible, minimize harm if it cannot be avoided.
We can see there is an embodied fear (visceral) and a
phycological fear (mind and emotion) and most times we conflate the two.
> And these imaginings have taken a lot of the fear away.
Those being the fear generated by the mind are amenable to
transformation. Even the visceral can be transformed. Digging out a deep
splinter may have caused us great concern when we were children. Now
perhaps not so much. We have learned to trust the situation and the
beings helping us. I say "beings" because they maybe family, pet,
doctor, or someone or something else.
> “Now,” it turns out, is a nice place to be.
So it is. It was that way even when it seem like Christmas
would ever come. Or some pain or heart ache would never end. Now is
full. We can chose what to sample from NOWs abundance of ways of
experiencing being.
Kind regards,
wm