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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Sounds like a man who needs to connect to God. I don’t think I read anything about his spiritual life in all of his accomplishments and good fortune. Not for me to give advice, but you might plant that seed. I’ve found recently that pursuing this connection is a worthwhile exercise to cure a troubled mind.

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Yes, Dan. I couldn't agree more. Connecting to something higher than ourselves (whether we call it "God" or "our guides" or Mother Nature or our higher selves or ... something else) really helps. Also finding community in a spiritual setting can help people feel so much less alone. I recently read a book called How to Save Your Marriage: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Written. It's a memoir written by a deeply Christian man whose wife cheats on him. They are rejected by their "Christian" community but find a new and welcoming spiritual (also Christian) community. He describes the church where they land as a church with broken windows. No one is holier-than-thou. Just there for each other. Without judgment. May we all have people like that in our lives.

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

When you look to the external world for validation of self, then you're at the mercy of illusion and the temporary, ever changing nature of external life. A sticky wicket, as they say. Nervous breakdown is actually a good sign in that it calls attention to the need to journey internally to uncover a treasure chest of new possibilities and to awaken the True Self. A game changer when SHTF--has become my mantra, "it's happen for me, not to me, " and to inquire, "who's feeling this?"-- helps me see the bigger picture, separate from the ego, and sidestep the vortex. May this man find peace and liberation through this pivotal, challenging passage. Could be a blessing. From breakdown to breakthrough. Aho!

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Nicely said Zayne!

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My brother was at the top of the corporate world in Manhattan, had two beautiful homes, a wife and three kids. At age 46 he took his own life. We had come from an alcoholic family and years before that I had suggested therapy and/or 12 step recovery programs, which provide support and often friendship. etc. He declined. My hope for "Justin" is that he seeks help. And I agree that connecting to God is so helpful. Blessings to him.

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Thanks for sharing this story, Karen. I'm crying as I write this. I'm so sorry that your brother took his own life. He must have been in so much pain. I guess being "on top of the world" is meaningless if you are secretly suffering. Twelve-step programs can be literal lifesavers, as can therapy. (With a good, competent, kind, non-judgmental therapist anyway, which is often not easy to find...)

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Unless you are really close to someone, (and sometimes even not then) you don’t always know what people are dealing with. We (in general ) don’t have enough close friends.

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

It’s the curse of being human. It can happen to those with the most well-adjusted upbringing. Do we pick the demons or do they pick us? Innocent teasing as a child hits the weak link in our developing personality and bam! it explodes when we’re 23 or 41 or 55.

If we think we’re alone with our demons — that no one feels the way we do — we will let that demon run things in our mind until (and unless) we ask for help. The sooner the better. Because (and Scripture tells you this) there is never just one demon.

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Yes, Marie. And it's so so hard to ask for help. Especially hard for people who felt shamed for needing help when they were children. I'm always so grateful to be able to help other people. But I find it a lot harder to ask (I think a lot of people do).

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Yes childhood matters and not just upbringing. Divorce can be very devastating as well.

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Yep! How well I know. It’s like dominoes falling. Counseling should be required with annual checkups to wipe up the residual messes.

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This is so so so true.

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

I hope that Justin doesn't go the Pharma route for healing. Most smart people pay attention to their diet, but there are plenty of attractive dead ends in that area of life. A naturopath could probably find some gaps in his diet -- some adjustments could make a world of difference if his levels of nutrients are skewed, or if he's been exposed to heavy metals or other toxins, or to excessive EMFs (electromagnetic fields). A person driven to achievement can still be malnourished in ways that affect mental health.

Truly healthy people have the resilience to cope with inner doubts and can even overcome PTSD. Life here on Earth can be very difficult no matter a person's circumstances, but joy and love are still on tap for those to take good care of the body Mother Nature gave us.

Not to oversimplify, but that techy maxim GIGO (garbage in, garbage out) applies to our emotional well being as much as to our immunity to germs and protection from chronic physical diseases. And even an all-organic diet won't overcome the impediment of heavy metals (which can't be detected by blood tests unless the exposure is current), but provoked urine tests or hair tests provide reliable evidence.

And, sure, God is there for us, but remember the proverb, "Trust in Allah but tie your camel." The American version is, "God helps those who help themselves."

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I suspect that he has been poisoned, either by a vaccine (either that he was given OR that was shed onto him from another person who was recently vaccinated) or by a conventional drug or by excessive exposure to a pesticide.

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I suspect you are right . Many (most, according to the data) of us are poisoned by pesticides and carcinogens, despite our best efforts to stay as far away from them as we can. Even furniture is off-gassing toxins, and there are PFAS (per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances) in our dental floss. It's a challenge—staying mentally and physically healthy in a world full of poisons. Ask me how I know. xoxo p.s. Thanks for weighing in.

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Nov 19Liked by Jennifer Margulis

I just learned last night that someone very dear to us is "going through it" right now. Anxiety was an issue before covid, now hormone changes and then there are the covid injections and then infections that occurred despite them that could all be factors. I am hoping for an opportunity soon to encourage getting started with a functional Dr I have some experience with. And time and focus on God has been missing for this family for a while also.

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Functional doctors can b we’d very helpful - if you he th a good one and God is extremely important

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Only God is big enough to fill the hole in us from our broken state. No material thing will ever fill it. It’s why the next achievable goal will only give momentary glory. Praying for your friend to find the only person who can help. Jesus!!!

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

We all need Jesus

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Nov 19Liked by Jennifer Margulis

It's oversimplifying this issue to say we just need Jesus. I agree with you in principle. I have a deep faith in him, however, I still struggle with my humanity. It's a moment by moment process of taking my eyes off the things that hang on my shoulders, and setting them on him. But I still have to live in this mirky world. I have known several devout people who have taken their lives because the burden of life become too much. Genuinely devout. It's a battle.

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Thank you for this nuanced comment, Beth. We all have to live in this murky world, don't we? And doing so can be hard for devout believers and atheists alike.

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I don't come from a Christian background. I grew up atheist and Jewish. But this really resonates with me, Dr. Rutherford. Jesus's teachings—and presence in our lives when we channel him—are deeply healing.

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

But God...Jesus is the only way! There is more peace, love, freedom than anything this world can give us. Complete healing body, mind, and soul.

Romans 10:9-10 - make a commitment to Jesus.

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Nov 19Liked by Jennifer Margulis

God sized hole inside of him

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💔

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

We often don't know what someone else is going through. Trusting in the Lord Jesus is more important than worldly success.

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So true, Al. It's easy to envy other people and think their lives are perfect. But no one sleeps under anyone's bed. I think redefining "success" may be key here as well.

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Nov 19Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Amen

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Thank you for your wonderful words ( as always) , they often arrive in my uk email whilst I ought to be sleeping but not being subscribed to anything else in the US I am always quite excited to hear that ping -as if you’re a friend messaging me! 😂. I often think about the imposter syndrome as it appears to be a syndrome amongst the talented and high performers . The opposite being the Dunning-Kruger effect where people overestimate their abilities! I’m a classically trained violinist and teacher and however much I try, some pupils cannot hear praise . They are almost disabled with disbelief . Despite pointing out simply how much more they understand and have improved, they can’t go there. One thing I notice many have in common is their feelings of worthlessness. Some have sad stories from childhood of favouritism of another sibling or rejection in some form . I’ve recently taken up jogging with an app called ‘ couch to5k’ .The sweet and positive voice of the coach tells me in a Geordie accent ‘ you’re doing really well!’ but I can’t hear her ! She can’t see my legs barely lifting or how slowly I’m going . It’s not the point - I know just doing it is better than not, but I’d feel a fraud to actually feel good . My grown up son had Asperger’s ( not vaccinated) . When he was in high school got him a maths coach . He got straight As in his exams, but he said ‘ yes mum , but that’s because I cheated ‘, I said ‘ really? how come?’ He said ‘because I had a tutor’ ! People’s ideas of success ( and failure) are so deep rooted . It takes confidence to believe in one’s self. So sorry about your friend . Ps. Can you give him my number 😉

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

"He got straight As in his exams, but he said ‘ yes mum , but that’s because I cheated ‘, I said ‘ really? how come?’ He said ‘because I had a tutor’ !"

I remember a high school physics teacher who implied I had cheated because I was the only kid in the class who understood the principle of moments; because my dad was a tech college maths teacher. Physics teacher got a stern talking to, from my dad, who was the last person I wanted to ask for help.

Coaching isn't cheating if the actual teachers were failing in their jobs. Teaching kids not to be afraid of maths is the first hurdle and I was not a straight As student!

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I'm proud of your dad for calling your physics teacher out on his BS! Sounds like a case of old-fashioned jealousy. Your teacher wanted to put you down to make himself feel better. He probably knew you were smarter than he was! I've seen that time and again -- when not-so-bright teachers have brilliant students they belittle them. I've also noticed that happens a lot with math. A smart teacher delights in his/her student's achievements and encourages them to do more and learn more. A not-so-smart teacher feels threatened when their students succeed... I should write an article about all of this.

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Nov 20Liked by Jennifer Margulis

I was proud of my dad too! Thanks! I now recall [this was 50+ years ago!] that the physics teacher did this when I wasn't even in the class. How could he expect my friends not to tell me?

It should go without saying but....as a teacher himself, there was no way my dad was going to do my homework for me!

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

Typo…’ has’ Asperger’s

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Thank you for this comment, Fiona. I wonder how some of us end up always feeling like we're not doing enough, good enough, achieving enough, and others end up with the Dunning-Kruger effect (I need to learn more about that). I don't know if it's connected to our childhoods or our parents or if we are born either over-confident or over-doubting. I have noticed that people driven to "achieve" often feel badly about themselves in ways that are unfathomable to others, given how "successful" they are. It's interesting to me that the people in the Blue Zones (places were people live the longest healthiest lives) are not bent on fancy degrees or solving unsolvable problems. They are mostly living off the land, enjoying friends and family, finding community through their belief in god and via other means, and eating real food. Then there are people like Steve Jobs and Carl Sagan who do incredible things but die so so young. And those extremely high achievers who battle their demons for years and take their own lives or overdose on drugs, like Robin Williams, Anthony Michael Bourdain, Amy Winehouse, and Lucy Grealy. Virginia Woolf who was so tremendously talented, creative, original, and well published, was 59 years old when she walked into the River Ouse with a stone in her pocket and drowned herself on purpose...

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

The poisoning of humanity... sad I suggest a detox. The Detox Dudes are a good choice. I am in no way connected to them. Just a suggestion.

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Thank you for the suggestion. I think there is no question that some of our human struggles come from being overloaded with toxins, including stress. When our endocrine systems are disrupted by glyphosate, our brains harmed by aluminum, and we're eating plastic and estrogen mimickers without knowing it or meaning to, it is no wonder that so many of us find it hard to be human on a daily basis...

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Nov 22Liked by Jennifer Margulis

You hit the nail on the head, Jennifer. My husband is extra poisoned, being in the military, he received experimental vaxxes and doesn’t even know everything that was injected into him over the years. He became suicidal not long after retiring and transitioning into the civilian world. His colleague died to suicide. The number of vets who die of suicide is astronomically higher than the civilian world. I believe this is by design but now it is by design to include civilians in this suicidal plot. Vaxxes and glyphosate poison are culprits. The worst part of all of this is the gaslighting he received when our French gendarme friends forced him into care and then he willingly followed up with the army hospital. The army doctor gaslighted him and me and said he had no PTSD and did not need to be there. He then went into private therapy that we paid for out of pocket but then stopped when his family shamed him for needing therapy. First gaslighted by the army, then shamed by his family, now stuck in trauma, unhealed and unable to function. No memory retention, no mental presence, no joy, not himself, barely existing. 😢

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Nov 22Liked by Jennifer Margulis

I should add, my kids had mental health issues from a young age (regressing into autism, losing words, brain function, etc.) Our doctor, Dr. Krigsman urged me to look into why the numbers were drastically higher with military kids (just like auicide rates in military personnel). We also had commissary shopping with great prices but glyphosate and GMO-laden foods. Vaxxes and these poisonous foods combined, results shown.

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💔💔💔

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Nov 18Liked by Jennifer Margulis

I have observed this among some of my most beautiful and successful friends as well. I thought it was more a female issue though. Setting aside that there could be a physical reason due to toxic injury (as a result of C19 vaccine or prior toxic insult), it could be the result of too much focus on the outward and not enough focus on the inward.

My thoughts are that when you receive constant feedback on external factors, especially appearances, it makes it more difficult to have a good internal self-worth and meaning. But it's much more than that. We are all having conversations with ourselves all day long on how and with whom we should be spending our time, and on what matters most. My guess is he has ignored his internal compass for a long time and is now finding it difficult to live with himself. This doesn't mean he has done something awful, just that it's very difficult to ignore who you really are for so long without it having a detrimental effect.

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I’d bet this “Justin” is actually a woman. Jennifer Margulis did say “identifying details” have been changed for privacy. Do you know what gave it away?

“Despite constant reminders of how attractive he is, he feels unlovable and thinks he is “over the hill” at age 55.” There’s no way this is a man! ;)

I, like many commenters here, also know many without a spiritual or religious compass and they are deeply miserable people, unanchored by a connection to the divine source.

In Persian and Sufi mysticism, God is the ocean, and we are droplets, temporarily separated, inevitably to return. Who can deny this? Only the lost.

I hope “Justin” finds her way and heals body, mind, and soul.

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I have spent a lot of time , years , in the company of various versions of your friend. It's become a tired cliche that many of them eventually become perished by their own hands . Exorbitant material wealth and even stellar talent doesn't excuse one from the necessity of spiritual accuity.

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Nov 20·edited Nov 21Liked by Jennifer Margulis

> What do you think?

REPLY: Hard to tell really. A Korean fairy tale follows and then some observations.

My wife (Korean) told me a Korean parable. About a father who is blind and for whatever reason has to raise his daughter alone. He begs for breast milk for his daughter, and struggles to raise her. She adores him and is beautiful but is also plain, concealed by her cloths and circumstances.

One day on the road he falls of into a creek, struggling to stay afloat he cries out to be saved. A Buddhist monk passing by goes into the creek and saves the man. The blind man thanks the monk and apologizes for being blind and falling into the creek. The monk tells the blind man that if he donates 300-80 kilo bags of rice to the monastery he eyes will be opened and he will see.

The old blind man tells his daughter about the event. To the poor old blind man it seems an impossible task. At that time the people of the village were experiencing very bad weather from the ocean and traditionally a virgin would be sacrifice to the ocean to calm the spirits. The virgin needs to volunteer. They cannot be forced.

So the daughter of the blind man said she would sacrifice herself to the Ocean, if the people of the village would give 300 bags of rice to the monastery for the sake of her blind father,. The village does so and she then jumps into the Ocean with her face covered by a portion of her cloths.

The father was profoundly saddened by these events. Later the Queen of the realm held a feast for all the blind men of the realm. The feast lasted many days. It took the blind man some time to get to the palace.

There is a kingdom under the Ocean (something like the mermaids and mermen) and seeing the girl is of a stainless character she is reborn in the heart of a lotus flower in a lake near the Palace of a young righteous king. She become his wife.

As his queen she asks the King to help her find her father. It is decided to have a feast for blind people and invite all blind people of the realm to come and enjoy. When the old man arrives he can here the Queens voice and to him it sound just like his daughter. Hey Chung is that you, he calls! Is that really my daughter Chung. Let me see! And then his eyes are opened and he sees her for the very first time and she knows he is her father.

As his eyes are opened so are all the eyes of the blind at the feast.

This Asian fairy tale is quite different from the fairy tales of sleeping beauty and snow white. Within the Asian context women are honored and so are the disabled, and in the end all the blind can see again.

***

Justin grew up with stories that informed his deep mind, his psyche. The western fariy tales and childhood stories are somewhat unsettling to the hear/mind. Consider "Ring around the Roses", or "Rockabye baby", these are just a sample of the dark shadow messages planted in our minds and children.

My wife is proud of being herself. This pride is not the look down your nose pride we think of. It is a very sane pride that allows her to keep functioning no matter the difficulty face and also to be carring of others. I have never met a western person with this sound robust pride.

Another person, a westerner who lived for a time in Korean, noted that Koreans in general are very proud of themselves and their culture.

The pride the Koreans have strengthens self reliance in the face of seeming failure. A quite, serene, robust mind and heart that meets even defeat with courage and poise.

Justin may need to read such Asian fairy tales and encounter people with such fortitude. It is a pattern of being he may not have been exposed to.

I wish Justin all the best.

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