Last week I randomly ran into a few different people I hadn’t seen in a long time, they all said with exasperation- “I’m SO BUSY” when I asked how they were doing…
I have been battling chronic illness for many years and am no longer physically able to work, I wanted to respond to them with- you are so damn lucky you feel well enough to be busy. Instead, I said with a sympathetic smile “hang in there”. It sent me into a bit of a spiral and depression over my non busy life. I’m normally like Teflon when interacting with people who have no clue how unwell I am, but hearing it from multiple people- got to me. I’m lucky if I can accomplish a few house chores on any given day. At 51, “busy” seems to be the word for my age group. It’s honestly a pretty crappy response to hear from someone you haven’t seen in a long time. You don’t have time to talk to me- I get it.
I hope your message gets through to some people. Take the freaking time to chat for a minute people. You never know what someone is going through. Busy, can suck it.
Battling a chronic illness and not being able to work is so so hard. I am right there with you (which is why it took me six days to reply). Thank you for taking the time to share your experience, Sabrina. Hang in there. I will too. In a not-busy way. xo
Sabrina~ my 43 yo daughter could have written your comment….And my 66 yo sister…. And lately me too….Your Grace in normally being able to be Teflon is a Gift. Much more of a gift than being able to be “busy .” We see you 💜
Thank you, Jennifer. I lost my 21 yo son in 2015, and came within minutes of losing my husband in 2023. Every day is a gift. We will all be together again. When compared to eternity, the length of any of our life lines is small (and all relatively the same). On the other side, or in a place where there is no space or time, the difference of months or years in a lifetime is insignificant. All that matters is love, and I am grateful for all of the love you have shared and inspired during your time here. (P.S. Still praying for miracles).
I am so sorry to hear this, Michelle. It's so devastating to lose a child. When something like that happens, or when we have a near-death experience, I think time takes on a whole new meaning. I've been living very close to the veil of late and feeling my mom's presence very close to me (she died 13 years ago). I agree that love is all that matters. And I think--hope--that love is eternal. p.s. I am planning to be a miracle, so thank you for praying for them.
Hi Jennifer, I'm sorry to read you have a terminal cancer diagnosis and I hope you can prove the doctors wrong. Do check out someone like this who delves into the emotional roots of cancer - I'm sure with your curious mind you'd find it interesting: https://therapy-for-cancer.com/
You express here what I have felt ever since a friend of mine was killed in an avalanche in 1998. Never before had mortality come to sit so closely - I could feel the points of his hipbones pushing into the flesh of mine. My friend's memorial service was the day I discovered that he'd done more, seen more of this wild planet of ours in his short 33 years than most people living thrice that do. The urgency this generated in me to "fix" the issues in my life that were preventing me from realizing my full potential, from traveling the world and doing something worthy of "this one wild and precious life," has stayed with me ever since. What I would like to understand is whether a diagnosis like yours shifts ones perspective even further along that spectrum of "living in the now." It's such a delicate balance to remain present, while making plans for a future that may or may not arrive. It's the difference between me quitting my job in real estate to focus on writing my book 100% (with surf and yoga breaks for sanity) or sticking to my plan of working until I have my house built. The house is for long time security, where I will "retire" to do these things full time and hopefully take up painting or sculpture too. But it could all be for nought. None of us has any guarantees that we will be here to see these projects to fruition.
I have dedicated every Sunday, to working on my memoir and yet that does not feel like enough. I feel an urgency to get it done for the reasons you've given here...because like someone said somewhere "We all have a terminal diagnosis" and a birthday looms while my bones ache and my energy wanes post-menopause...and I just wanna do more cool shit before the Big Guy with the Sickle shows up. I guess what I'm saying is I get it and would like to think I'm grabbing life by the short and curlies. If your docs told you you had X amount of time, push that shit out of your head and despite the "we all have a terminal diagnosis" comment above, remember that none of us has an actual expiration date stamped on the bottom of our foot and miracles are REAL. You have a whole team here praying for one to be generously and unconditionally bestowed upon your very deserving self. (And i could keep writing, but work calls...the self-loathing is another thing we have in common...I'd like to talk about that some to share some wonderful inner work I was walked through...) Love you, you incredibly intelligent, beautiful soul!! HUGS.
A beautiful breath of wisdom for us all. Thank you Jennifer for sharing this message with us while we still have time to shift our souls to see the things that matter.
Thank you. Yes. May it be abundant in all the things that matter. (Right now there is an abundance of pain and exhaustion. I am grateful for the lessons they are teaching me. But I could do with a little less of both. Funny. Not funny...)
I think of you every day, and I pray… I so relate to your openness, and your struggles, and your hurts in relationships…
I am currently reading thru Isaiah ~ and this is in ch63…
I will tell of the Lord’s unfailing love.
I will praise the Lord, for all he has done.
I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel,
which he has granted according to his mercy and love.
He said they are my very own people.
Surely they will not betray me again.
And he became their Savior.
In all their suffering, He also suffered, and he personally rescued them.
In his love and mercy, he redeemed them.
He lifted them up and carried them through all the years.
I Take great comfort that our God suffers with us…(???!!)
There is a reason for pain and suffering, we just can’t always grasp it fully. But here’s another clue.
CS Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” CS knew something… I don’t grasp it completely, but, yes, I do pay most attention in the pain, so I embrace it best I can, and wait to hear His Voice once more.
The ALP = the after lupus Pam. If you're willing to tell us more about what lupus has taught you and how the ALP is different from the BLP, I would love to know. If it's too personal or you don't feel like it (or you don't have the energy), ignore this request. xo
1. I have more respect and awe for the fragileness of life. I take better care of me.
2. I listen to hear not to reply
3. Being right is no longer important
4. I no longer believe Dr's know so much. I have found answers in alternatives. And my journey with lupus led me to a Masters in Holistic Nutrition. Nutrition can prevent/fix so much.
Last week I randomly ran into a few different people I hadn’t seen in a long time, they all said with exasperation- “I’m SO BUSY” when I asked how they were doing…
I have been battling chronic illness for many years and am no longer physically able to work, I wanted to respond to them with- you are so damn lucky you feel well enough to be busy. Instead, I said with a sympathetic smile “hang in there”. It sent me into a bit of a spiral and depression over my non busy life. I’m normally like Teflon when interacting with people who have no clue how unwell I am, but hearing it from multiple people- got to me. I’m lucky if I can accomplish a few house chores on any given day. At 51, “busy” seems to be the word for my age group. It’s honestly a pretty crappy response to hear from someone you haven’t seen in a long time. You don’t have time to talk to me- I get it.
I hope your message gets through to some people. Take the freaking time to chat for a minute people. You never know what someone is going through. Busy, can suck it.
Battling a chronic illness and not being able to work is so so hard. I am right there with you (which is why it took me six days to reply). Thank you for taking the time to share your experience, Sabrina. Hang in there. I will too. In a not-busy way. xo
💓💓💓
Sabrina~ my 43 yo daughter could have written your comment….And my 66 yo sister…. And lately me too….Your Grace in normally being able to be Teflon is a Gift. Much more of a gift than being able to be “busy .” We see you 💜
Thank you Kathy 💖
Thank you, Jennifer. I lost my 21 yo son in 2015, and came within minutes of losing my husband in 2023. Every day is a gift. We will all be together again. When compared to eternity, the length of any of our life lines is small (and all relatively the same). On the other side, or in a place where there is no space or time, the difference of months or years in a lifetime is insignificant. All that matters is love, and I am grateful for all of the love you have shared and inspired during your time here. (P.S. Still praying for miracles).
I am so sorry to hear this, Michelle. It's so devastating to lose a child. When something like that happens, or when we have a near-death experience, I think time takes on a whole new meaning. I've been living very close to the veil of late and feeling my mom's presence very close to me (she died 13 years ago). I agree that love is all that matters. And I think--hope--that love is eternal. p.s. I am planning to be a miracle, so thank you for praying for them.
A beautiful lesson for all of us, every day...thank you.
❤️💔🙏
Thank you, Jennifer. Your circumstances certainly give your words deeper meaning.
Hi Jennifer, I'm sorry to read you have a terminal cancer diagnosis and I hope you can prove the doctors wrong. Do check out someone like this who delves into the emotional roots of cancer - I'm sure with your curious mind you'd find it interesting: https://therapy-for-cancer.com/
You express here what I have felt ever since a friend of mine was killed in an avalanche in 1998. Never before had mortality come to sit so closely - I could feel the points of his hipbones pushing into the flesh of mine. My friend's memorial service was the day I discovered that he'd done more, seen more of this wild planet of ours in his short 33 years than most people living thrice that do. The urgency this generated in me to "fix" the issues in my life that were preventing me from realizing my full potential, from traveling the world and doing something worthy of "this one wild and precious life," has stayed with me ever since. What I would like to understand is whether a diagnosis like yours shifts ones perspective even further along that spectrum of "living in the now." It's such a delicate balance to remain present, while making plans for a future that may or may not arrive. It's the difference between me quitting my job in real estate to focus on writing my book 100% (with surf and yoga breaks for sanity) or sticking to my plan of working until I have my house built. The house is for long time security, where I will "retire" to do these things full time and hopefully take up painting or sculpture too. But it could all be for nought. None of us has any guarantees that we will be here to see these projects to fruition.
I have dedicated every Sunday, to working on my memoir and yet that does not feel like enough. I feel an urgency to get it done for the reasons you've given here...because like someone said somewhere "We all have a terminal diagnosis" and a birthday looms while my bones ache and my energy wanes post-menopause...and I just wanna do more cool shit before the Big Guy with the Sickle shows up. I guess what I'm saying is I get it and would like to think I'm grabbing life by the short and curlies. If your docs told you you had X amount of time, push that shit out of your head and despite the "we all have a terminal diagnosis" comment above, remember that none of us has an actual expiration date stamped on the bottom of our foot and miracles are REAL. You have a whole team here praying for one to be generously and unconditionally bestowed upon your very deserving self. (And i could keep writing, but work calls...the self-loathing is another thing we have in common...I'd like to talk about that some to share some wonderful inner work I was walked through...) Love you, you incredibly intelligent, beautiful soul!! HUGS.
A beautiful breath of wisdom for us all. Thank you Jennifer for sharing this message with us while we still have time to shift our souls to see the things that matter.
🙏🙏🙏
Love this, and you.
Hey friend. Love you too. xoxo
Beautiful, Jennifer… thank you
You are finding new (different) life, may it be abundant!
Thank you. Yes. May it be abundant in all the things that matter. (Right now there is an abundance of pain and exhaustion. I am grateful for the lessons they are teaching me. But I could do with a little less of both. Funny. Not funny...)
I think of you every day, and I pray… I so relate to your openness, and your struggles, and your hurts in relationships…
I am currently reading thru Isaiah ~ and this is in ch63…
I will tell of the Lord’s unfailing love.
I will praise the Lord, for all he has done.
I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel,
which he has granted according to his mercy and love.
He said they are my very own people.
Surely they will not betray me again.
And he became their Savior.
In all their suffering, He also suffered, and he personally rescued them.
In his love and mercy, he redeemed them.
He lifted them up and carried them through all the years.
I Take great comfort that our God suffers with us…(???!!)
There is a reason for pain and suffering, we just can’t always grasp it fully. But here’s another clue.
CS Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” CS knew something… I don’t grasp it completely, but, yes, I do pay most attention in the pain, so I embrace it best I can, and wait to hear His Voice once more.
Much Love and prayers for you. Kathy
Well said!
❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for this Jennifer, sending love and prayers. Are you back home? love you xoxoxoxo
I can relate. The Pam after lupus is a much different person then Pam before Lupus.
The ALP = the after lupus Pam. If you're willing to tell us more about what lupus has taught you and how the ALP is different from the BLP, I would love to know. If it's too personal or you don't feel like it (or you don't have the energy), ignore this request. xo
A few things off the top of my head... re: alp
1. I have more respect and awe for the fragileness of life. I take better care of me.
2. I listen to hear not to reply
3. Being right is no longer important
4. I no longer believe Dr's know so much. I have found answers in alternatives. And my journey with lupus led me to a Masters in Holistic Nutrition. Nutrition can prevent/fix so much.
You!
👋🏼👋🏼👋🏼
My favorite Mary Oliver poem of all time!
Mary Oliver is a wonderful poet, isn't she? What are some of your other favorites by her?